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Page last updated at 19:54 GMT, Saturday, 26 April 2008 20:54 UK
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It's all my fault, admits Stewart

Jordan Stewart
Stewart: clearly to blame.

Watford defender Jordan Stewart has admitted responsibility for the collapse of the housing market and subsequent downturn in the economy. The news comes only weeks after Stewart caused misery for thousands of airline passengers at Heathrow Terminal 5.

The Watford left-back, interviewed in The Economist, said that "I don't really know much about economics, and had no idea the damage I had caused until speaking to some fans after Saturday's game. It was only after listening to them it became clear. It really is all my fault."

Manager Aidy Boothroyd told the BBC "We have to try and take the positives from this. The key thing for us now is that we have a viable scapegoat."

'Burn him'

Watford fans have been campaigning against Stewart for several months now and in a recent rally protesters burned effigies of the hated left-back. The leader of the rally, Watford fan Fogg Horne, from the East Stand, is now petitioning prime minister Gordon Brown for special dispensation to apply the death penalty.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Small Minority
The Rookery

Watford fan Mr O. Gitt, from the Upper Rous, was quoted as saying "I've been watching Watford for 650 years and this is by far the worst I've ever seen. I saw better football on the Somme!" Other fans were quick to point out that the failure of the Allied offensive at the Somme was largely the fault of Jordan Stewart.

Further rumours emerged today that Stewart may have been the cause of the July 2007 floods which left thousands homeless, but this rumour is dismissed by Watford fans who lay the blame squarely at Tamas Priskin's feet.



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